


Meeting Your Idols: A Crack Fic

by mckennie2



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV), Criminal Minds RPF, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Supernatural, Supernatural RPF, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Crack Crossover, F/M, Funny, Kidnapping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 07:16:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14255763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mckennie2/pseuds/mckennie2
Summary: What happens when the Avengers want to make you happy?Asguardians misunderstand and assassins play tricks.





	Meeting Your Idols: A Crack Fic

**Author's Note:**

> This was written by a friend of mine (who I will not name) and myself in a Facebook Messenger chat. This was reviewed and edited by myself, meaning it is far from perfect. Hope you enjoy!

I was sitting on the sofa in the main Avengers lounge, when I heard a loud noise. Upon further inspection, I realized it was the sound of, Thor’s booming voice, instructing someone to be still. I leapt up and ran to the hall to see what was going on. Looking around, it seemed that I wasn’t the only one wondering what was happening. Tony, Clint, and Bucky have all come to see the spectacle before us.

Standing in the front entry way is Thor, Natasha, and four people who are not regulars at the tower. My eyes go wide seeing Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Shemar Moore, and J.K Rowling standing before me.

Jensen: "Um, yes, hi, excuse me, why am I here?"

I can see Thor’s face, all proud and pleased with himself.

Blushing, I say “I may have mentioned that I wanted to meet you. I wasn’t expecting this.”

I smile sheepishly.

“Tony will, um, pay you for your time, I’m sure.”

I turn to Thor, disappointment clear on my face.

“Thor you tied up a lady! And 3 of the hottest men in America!!”

No one says anything to Natasha. No one EVER says anything to Natasha.

“I’m the 4th hottest man in America” Tony says cockily.

And everyone rolls their eyes because the whole world knows Steve and Bucky top the list; it just depends on which magazine as to who’s 1 and who’s 2.

“Bullshit Tony. This guy is the hottest man on the planet.” Natasha says pointing to Shemar. This causes Clint to glare and reach for his quiver.

Bucky clutches his chest. “Natalia!” he gasps. “I thought we had a special bond!”

While all of this is going on I’m trying to undo the knots. “Jeez Thor, did you let Nat tie these?”

“Yes!” Thor booms. "The lady Natasha is most skilled with restraints, and assured me that none of these miscreants would escape before you could judge them!"

You rub your temples. "Thor... Thor, they aren't 'miscreants.' They're celebrities."

Thor frowns in confusion. "Then why have we brought them here?"

You throw up your hands. "I don't know! You did it, not me!"

Nat has somehow disappeared.

"Vision can you do the thing with the thing and cut the ropes?"

"I'm a bit concerned I'll also cut off important body parts. If I may suggest an alternate solution, Agent Barton left a knife behind the fire extinguisher in the hallway."

"Yeah no. I'm not being held responsible for cutting body parts off J2 and Shemar Moore. I don’t think we should trust Clint with the knife. He's still glaring at Shemar Moore."

Bucky rolls his eyes, stomps over to the quartet, and starts yanking and ropes with the metal hand. Less than a minute later, three very attractive men and a brilliant woman are standing on the carpet, rubbing their wrists and looking around in bewilderment.

I walk over and kiss Bucky on the cheek and thank him. "So this was a bad way to meet but I love you all and I apologize for all that has happened to you"

Jared raises his hand. "Can I go home now?"

"They kidnapped you from your home??"

"Well, technically, from a bar, but me and Jensen's wives are gonna worry. We stay out all night sometimes but it's 2pm Austin time."

Shemar puts a hand up. "I have a dog, and I'm gonna have to clean dog shit off my floors because you fuckers decided to kidnap me because your mascot wanted to meet me!" He makes eye contact with you. "I don't blame you, darlin', not your fault they're crazy."

"Oh I thought that your children saw Thor and Nat and got scared"

My eyes go wide. "Shemar Moore called me darlin'." I say smiling. "Wait mascot??"

Everyone ignores your offended sniff as JK says, "I'm sure you're all lovely people when you aren't being psychopathic kidnappers, but this is becoming a bit ridiculous. If someone would point me towards a door, I'll be out of your hair."

I straighten up "Of course Mrs. Rowling. We can get you a flight to any place you'd like. Tony would love to pay for anyone's way home. In fact Jared, if I may call you Jared, Tony would be happy to fly you home in the suit and meet your kids as iron man to make up for this. Won't you Tony?"

Then you realize you're talking to thin air, because Tony hasn't even bothered to stick around once he realized they weren't a threat. Sighing, you look at the ceiling. "FRIDAY? Please inform Tony he's needed immediately in the common room."

"I'm sorry, Ms. Foust, sir left instructions he was not to be disturbed three weeks ago and has not yet rescinded them."

You roll your eyes. "Override code alpha sierra sierra four six five three."

Tony comes storming in. "What woman?? I was working on something very important!”

“Actually sir was playing that video game where he plays Captain America and makes him and Agent Barnes kiss.” FRIDAY says matter of factly

Bucky glares at Tony, but I wave my hand to bring the conversation back to more important matters.

You smile sweetly. "I'm going to need you to fuel up one of the passenger jets and file a flight plan for Austin, Texas. You're going with that one as Iron Man - don't you give me that face, buddy, DUM-E likes me better than you and he makes your smoothies. Another one's going to need to go to Oakland, California." You think for a minute, then add, "And a quinjet, too. Clint can fly Ms. Rowling back home."

Tony and Clint blink at you in astonishment. "Do we get a say in this?" Clint ventures tentatively.

"No you don't get a say in this! You two are supposed to be in this misfit team that kidnapped 4 people!"

"Clinton Francis Barton. I realize that you have no control over Natasha because no one has control over Natasha. HOWEVER. Since I can't take out my anger on her, cause she can kill me with her pinky, I'm taking it out on you."

"I can kill you with my pinky too!" Clint protests.

"Yeah, but you aren't going to," you say dryly. "Nat might."

Clint has no response to that and heads for the quinjet hangar in a huff. Tony is still gaping like a fish.

"Anthony Edward Stark you get your suit or so help me I will give them one!"

"You can't!" Tony says smugly. "They're all registered to Stark Industries."

"FRIDAY, transfer ownership of the Gulfstream G650 from Stark Industries to joint between Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles, authorization code papa echo papa papa echo romeo sierra alpha yankee sierra sierra oscar."

Tony flails. "No! FRIDAY, cancel that order!"

"Sorry, boss, that's the penultimate override code."

Tony sags. "Ugh, I'll do it, give it back."

Jensen looks at Jared "can we keep her?"

Jared looks at you, then at Jensen, then at a glowering Tony, a pouting Thor, a pissed off Clint, and an amused Bucky - all of them displaying incredibly protective body language. "Um. Jen, buddy, don't think they're gonna let us. And, y'know, they fight aliens and shit, so maybe we shouldn't try to take them on with stunt fighting?"

I look between Jensen and Bucky weighing my options. I pout at Bucky. "Buuckky..."

The plates in Bucky's arm ripple as he clenches a fist.

"Can I at least get a hug and picture? I mean Bucky it's Jensen Ackles"

Bucky appears to be seriously considering saying no, but finally relents with, "Fine. Ten seconds. FRIDAY, you ready?"

I run over and Hug Jensen not expecting, Jared, Shemar, and even J.K. Rowling join in too

"Say Kidnap!" Friday says

After the picture, Tony scowls as he leads Jared and Jensen to the jet, suitcase armor in tow. Thor offers to walk Shemar to his jet, apologizing all the while. Clint, displaying surprising manners, offers J.K. his arm as they head down the steps towards the quinjet.

I turn to Bucky and smile bright

Sighing, you run your hands through your hair and look at Bucky. "I get that she was trying to be sweet, but that woman's logic is not like our earth logic," you declare.

"You asked Nat to do it didn't you?”

Bucky shook his head. "Give me a little more credit than that, sweetheart. I knew you wouldn't like it."

You step into his arms and listen to the processors in his arm whirring. "Ugh. One of us needs to have a talk with the widow about due process."

You look at each other, then simultaneously go, "NOT IT."

"Clint?" You ask.

"Clint." Bucky nods firmly.

Two hours and several orgasms later, you sit bolt upright in the bed. "Shit! I never transferred ownership of the plane back!"


End file.
